FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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