Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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