The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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