Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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