woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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