Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
