she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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