Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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