i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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