Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
