sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
