i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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