eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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