two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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