Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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