White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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