you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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