YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
