Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Randomize
