so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
