Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
