i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
