So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
