wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize