Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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