i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
