I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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