WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize