So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
