Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
All I want is dick and wine.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
