Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize