i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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