I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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