How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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