Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
