A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
