no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
