why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
