gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
