Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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