Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize