I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
