you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
