I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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