The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
