Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
