Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Everything about him screamed your future.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Bring me that man meat
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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