I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize