She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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