he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize