just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
