peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
My vagina is very pro this idea
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
