I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
