4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
