My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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