it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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