I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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