There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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