I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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