hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
