You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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