ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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