So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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