Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
