I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
