Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
