She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
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