so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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