Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
